How To Understand And Conquer Your Fears

We fear things that may, or will, happen to us (such as dying, getting cancer, looking old, being old, being alone) and we fear many things we have to do (such as making a public speech, learning to drive, passing exams, making decisions, sticking up for ourselves).

These fears may all appear to be very different. But they aren't. The common theme which links these separate fears is a fear of rejection, disapproval, failure and, rather more commonly than you might think, a fear of success.

And the underlying fear behind all these emotions is the simple fear of not being able to deal with things - of not being able to cope with rejection, with disapproval, with failure or with success. It is that - the fear of not being able to cope - which is the fundamental fear which affects us all. We worry about things which may (or may not) happen because we worry that we will not be able to cope with the consequences.

Dealing With Fear Is Simpler Than You Think

You almost certainly have more than one fear. You probably have scores - even hundreds of fears. You may, indeed, be one of the small number of people who seem to fear just about anything and everything - in which case fear probably rules your life.

If you try to deal separately with all your different fears you will soon be exhausted.

Take J for example.

She is in her forties and she has scores of very specific fears - fears which exhaust her and which dominate her life. Here are just a few of her current fears:

* She is frightened that she is losing her looks.
* She is frightened that her hair is going grey.
* She is frightened that she will be lonely when her children leave home.
* She is frightened that if she tries to get a job she may be a failure.
* She is frightened that if her husband gets the new job he has applied for she will not fit in when they move to a new neighbourhood and start mixing with different people.
* She is frightened that her overweight workaholic husband may have a heart attack.  Read more...

 

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